Do you have a cat? I do, and when I brought her home, I had certain expectations. I’d gathered these ideas from reliable sources, such as comic strips and urban legend. So naturally, my cat took my expectations, and shredded them like a new couch!
(Please note that the “expectation” picture will be on the left, while the photo of harsh reality will be on the right.)
Now, without further ado, let’s dive into my shattered dreams!
Me: “Is it too much to expect wild abandon over a stationary ball of yarn?”
My cat: “Yes, yes it is. You have 5 seconds of my time, and then I’m going back to sleep.”
Whenever I went shopping, I would often head over to the cat aisle and painstakingly pick out a new toy for my cat, Queen Autumn the 1st. I would smile at all the excited cats on the packaging. There were always studio photos of excited cats jumping and running after the toy in question. Perfect! I thought to myself. Autumn will love these!
But in actuality, Autumn did not care. She would sniff the toy, then walk away and sit down inside the box the toy came in, and go to sleep. The only jumping she might do would be to get in the box. It took me a year or two before I finally wised up and stopped buying her toys. There are only 3 things that she actually will play with: grass seed heads, rubber bands, and string. You’ll notice how none of these cost me $19.95 plus shipping! Oh well…
Left Photo Credit: https://imgur.com/gallery/gJU0I. Right Photo Credit: Unknown
I used to believe that cats were nothing if not graceful. The way they swagger inspired the Egyptians to worship them. The fashion catwalk is named for them. They can walk along fences, tiny ledges, and thin, swaying branches with fearless confidence. So cats are graceful… right?
Wrong. Cats are decidedly not graceful, and the whole Internet is proof of this. Cats fall into full bath tubs; cats miss jumps; cats get their heads stuck in cardboard boxes; cats get their whole bodies stuck between couch cushions. Cats are hilariously un-graceful, and we can’t get enough of laughing at it!
Spending Time Together
Before I got my own cat, I thought I knew cats loved beds. In many of the books that I had read, little girls would always go to sleep with a furry little kitten on her bed. I thought: “Awww, how cute that must be!”
Plus, I just assumed that all felines spent hours on their owners’ laps. I wondered: what it would be like to spend a relaxing evening reading (or watching TV) with a soft, live teddy bear curled up on my lap?
Well, I’m still wondering. Autumn is not a lap cat — oh, how far from it! The only time she has ever willingly touched a lap was on her first car ride as we brought her home. Weakened by sickness and fear, Autumn sought refuge on the nearest lap. Fortunately, those dark times have passed, and so has her need for human companionship, apparently.
Indeed, Autumn has never of her own accord sat on my lap. Back in her one moment of weakness during that car ride, she sat on my sister’s lap, not mine. As a crazy cat lady, this is a little disappointing to me.
Autumn’s aversion to human contact extends to beds, as well. In the past, Autumn used to spend the night with me, but that was many bags of kitty litter ago. On the bright side, Autumn will stop by for the occasional nap; still, it’s obvious that she prefers the old couch in the basement. I guess they just don’t make them like they used to…
Truth can come from unlikely sources, and here is the truth about owning a cat: hairballs are unavoidable. Never mind that I’d learned this truth from comic strips; that’s beside the point. I knew that hairballs were a disgusting, inevitable, perhaps even daily horror.
But reality doesn’t have to be like Garfield. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that a little cat grass goes a long way. Outdoor cats will naturally chew some grass from time to time, to act as roughage. It clears out their system. However, indoor cats don’t have access to such delicacies, and so, er, things end up on the carpet. Cat grass fixes this problem. I am happy to report that I have never seen a real hairball in my life.
As you can clearly see, my cat is nothing like I expected her to be!
But please don’t misunderstand — I do actually love my cat very much. I call her my queen, I cater to her every whim, and I spend over an hour each day in her loyal service. And Autumn loves me to, in her own, subtle way. She rubs up against my legs, she kneads my shirt when I hold her, and she comes running to meet me (even when there is no food involved).
Yes, despite our differences, we do indeed love each other. In fact, I love her more than I ever expected to. And that makes for a truly beautiful reality.
If you are interested in reading more about Queen Autumn the 1st, here’s a post with 5 more of her weird habits. Enjoy!