Curious Zelda Tweets That Are Comedy Gold

For those of you who don’t know, Curious Zelda is a cat on Twitter who “tweets” hilarious content; really, it’s not exaggerating to say they are the best tweets I’ve ever seen!   

They make me laugh out loud!  

But of course, many talented comedians are on Twitter, so what makes Zelda so special?  

Well, for one thing, she “writes” poetry. 

And it’s not like that vague, silly stuff which you were forced to read in high school.  This poetry is grounded, interesting, and 100% feline.  Take a look:  

1fly

Cat owners every where are laughing!  And for those of you who don’t own cats: yes, it’s true.  Sweet little kitties really do hunt down bugs and then eat the gross things.  I’ve seen my kitty, Autumn, munch on plenty of insects; spiders are her favorite. 

2meow

Hilarious, am I right?!  

As you can see, Curious Zelda has big, round eyes, so she looks startled all the time.  

3shock

Which clearly makes for great comedy, as almost any caption becomes side-splittingly funny in an instant.  

3naked

Judging from her tweets, Curious Zelda also likes to stare.  A lot.  

4stare

It’s just something about her expression which says: “I’m either going to run or bite.  In 0.2 seconds, you’ll know which.”  

5attack

Curious Zelda is, not surprisingly, a curious kitty, but she is also very energetic and loves to play.  Whenever she plays, her eyes get all big and cute.  

Despite all this exercise, Curious Zelda at least appears to be a bit chubby.  

But, in my opinion, that only makes her even more adorable!  

6hairball

How can something so cute be so disgusting?  Truly, all cat-lovers, including myself, grapple with this same existential question.  It is but one of the many paradoxes that make up cats.  

7yoga.PNG

I’ve found it’s best not to watch when cats decide to lick their, uh, “waste ejection port” (Brunner and Stall).  

8crisis

Don’t ya just hate it when that happens?

10voltage

Those eyes…  I’m dying…  

11hovercat

There you are, the comedy gold.  I hope you enjoyed the tweets as much as I did!  

If you are on Twitter, you should follow @CuriousZelda.  I cannot recommend her enough. 

If you would like to look at my humble account, it’s (https://twitter.com/GayleJorgenson).  My tweets are not as good as Curious Zelda’s, but I’m getting there.  

For more laughs, check out my post of the best cat memes on the Internet.  

It starts by saying:

“It’s official.  Cats have conquered the world via the web.  But at least we can get in a few laughs at their expense before our adorable dictators send us to the catnip mines…”

Enjoy!  

https://fuzzyfanaticblog.wordpress.com/2018/04/08/20-cat-memes-to-make-you-laugh/

 

 

Note: For those of you who read my post last week, I know I said that this week would be about dogs.  But I had to change my mind when I was scrolling through Curious Zelda’s feed and realized just how uproarious each and every post was!  

 

Quote

1. Brunner, David, Dr., and Sam Stall. The Cat Owner’s Manual: Operating Instructions, Troubleshooting Tips, and Advice on Lifetime Maintenance. Illustrated by Paul Kepple and Jude Buffum, Quirk Books, 2004.

15 Hilarious Horse Memes to Carry You Through Monday

When I was a kid, I thought that horses were noble steeds who roamed the wild plains with their manes flowing in the eternal wind.  But then I actually met a horse, and well… 

Let’s just say that their dignity isn’t as complete as I thought it was.  

In fact, often it vanishes entirely, much to the enjoyment of their human owners.  

Fortunately, we now have the Internet, and everyone everywhere can laugh at these equine escapades!  

Enjoy!  

1. 

b8ce71bdd295dcd89152d85cbec3c2a2

Come with me if you want to live.  

2. 

horse-in-a-hole.jpg

I can’t wait to hear this!  

3.

close enough

As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side of the metal pole fence that you are stuck half-way in.  But everyone knows that.  

4. 

fat-horse.jpg

Logic!  

5. They told me I could be anything.  So I became…

unicorn

6.

hummingbird

I believe it is the rare creature known as the Equus Aviarous.  

7.

wolf

I feel like there’s a life lesson to be learned here…

8.

adopted

The dog: “My life is a lie!”  

9. 

horse trainer

At least trainers still have it better than most horse owners; what the average owner actually spends most of her time doing is shoveling endless piles of manure.  Yay.  

10. 

tired

11.

air amateur

Good news: they also provide rewards for frequent flyer miles.  

12.

friesian meme

13. 

horse wash

My dog used to do this, too!  Why is it that animals delight in frustrating us?!  

14. 

Grand Prix

I’m sure we can all relate to this.  Whenever you’re first learning to ride, there’s always that one lesson horse who decides to bust a move…

15. But if you think about it, horses have it pretty rough, too.  

circles

And there you have it!  15 horse memes to put a smile on your face.  

Which one was your favorite?  Feel free to tell me in the comments!  

But if you’re still feeling a case of the Mondays, then no worries, I’ve got you covered.  How about 15 more memes, this time about the crazy antics of dogs?  They made me laugh, and I hope you enjoy them, too!  

https://fuzzyfanaticblog.wordpress.com/2018/05/27/15-hilarious-dog-memes/

So until next week: stay fuzzy, my friends!  

 

15 Hilarious Dog Memes to Brighten Your Day

We all love dogs.  After all, what would we do without their goofy, hysterical antics?  They say laughter is the best medicine, so get ready for a heavy dose!  

1. 

calm

He has the second part down.  Still working on the first part, though.  

2. 

Escape-Attempt

So close, yet so far.  

3. 

toilet

I’ll bet he’s thinking: “Next you’ll be telling me that the earth is not round, or that the trash can is not a food dispenser!”

4. 

dog vomit

Shakespeare’s got nothing on this guy!  

5. eat that

6.

food.jpg

Those eyes…

7. 

husky

Great.  Now I want a Husky.  Don’t ask me why; I just do.  

8. 

toy

Is it just me, or does this pup look super cute?

9. 

cuddles.jpg

10. 

song

Why does the song have to be so loud, though?!

11. 

spider

While my dog Dyna was never quite that wild, she did chew through a solid wooden fence to join me on a walk once.  Has anyone else ever had this kind of “wood chopper” problem?  

12. 

fluff

Dog: “You’re lucky I survived!” 

13. 

math

Listen to the dog, human.  He has the glasses of smartness.  

14. 

airplane

15. 

creepy

Those eyes are freaky!  Dog eyes glow like that for the same reason cat eyes do — they have a special membrane that humans don’t.  It’s called the tapetum lucidum, and it helps animals to see in the dark.  If you are curious to know more, consider reading this: 

https://fuzzyfanaticblog.wordpress.com/2018/10/17/why-do-dog-eyes-glow-in-the-dark/

But if you’d prefer more fun and less facts, then give this post about cat memes a try.  Dogs may be dumb, but cats are crazy!  

https://fuzzyfanaticblog.wordpress.com/2018/04/08/20-cat-memes-to-make-you-laugh/

So until next week, remember: stay fuzzy, my friends!  

 

Sources

Exclusive Sneak-Peak at My New Book

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Yay!  Today is my one-year blog anniversary!  To celebrate, I’m posting the first chapter of the book I’m writing, The Fuzzy Feud.  Hopefully you’ll find it as funny as I do.

But let me just say a few words about my blogging journey.  So far this year I’ve managed to write one new post every week without fail, and I intend to continue to do so for another year.  During my journey, I’ve met some amazing people.  You know who you are!  Why don’t you treat yourself to some cake and celebrate with me?

Now for that chapter I promised you.  It’s from the book I’m writing with a friend of mine; the title of it will be The Fuzzy Feud.  It stars a dog and a cat who hate each other, as they reluctantly go from fury to friendship.

Here it is:

the-fuzzy-feud.png
The partially-completed cover for my book.

Chapter 1

“Hurry or we’ll be late!”  Mrs. Harding’s voice rang out over the farm yard followed by the scramble of four children popping out from every corner.  In the dim light of the barn, the cat Ginger blinked sleepily, and yawned.  After stretching, the orange, black and white cat jumped off her bed of hay.  She padded across the loft floor to the opening in the corner, where stairs led to the ground floor.  Hopping down the steep steps, she came to the bottom, and stopped to collect herself.

She heard a voice.

“…And this is our third horse, Bonnie.”  It was one of the Harding children speaking, a little girl named Lucy, who was still in the barn.

Wondering who she was talking to, Ginger peered around the corner of the stall.

Lucy clutched a new doll.  The doll’s painted face smiled cheerfully, as if very interested in the introductions.

Lucy continued: “Spot and Patches always pull the plow, but not Bonnie.  She’s too old to work, but we love her,” her childish voice explained matter-of-factly.

Bonnie’s head appeared over the stall door, and the brown Thoroughbred lowered her head so that Lucy could pet her velvet nose.

“Say ‘Hello’,” Lucy instructed her doll.

Lucy raised the doll, positioning the china arm, and then lifting the doll up and down, so that the doll stroked Bonnie’s velvety nose.

“Now I’ll show you the loft!”  Lucy turned.

“Oh, lookie!”  She cried, “here’s Ginger, come to say hello!”

Ginger jerked her head back, regretting that she left her nap.  Her mind raced to find an escape.  Maybe she could dart across the hallway, around the girl, and out of the door.  Anything to avoid an encounter.

“Lucy!” A deep, stern voice called. Mr. Harding stepped into the doorway.  “Come when you’re called.  We’re all waiting for you.”

As Lucy and Mr. Harding left for the wagon, Ginger padded swiftly out of the barn before Mr. Harding closed the doors.

Suddenly, a large form bounded into the barnyard. It was Duke the family dog.  The human masters were leaving!  Duke would see them off!  Racing towards the wagon, Duke didn’t see Ginger.

Ginger started to leap sideways.  But it was too late.

“REeeeeaOW!”  Ginger yowled. She darted away several feet, and curled her throbbing tail around herself.

Duke stumbled to a halt, a little bewildered.  Realizing what happened, he opened his mouth to apologize.

“Duke! C’mere, boy!” A voice called.

His humans need him! Duke zipped over to the wagon, forgetting about Ginger entirely.

With more injury to her dignity than to her tail, Ginger stalked away. That clumsy, blundering dog! He never watches where he’s going! She glared at Duke over her shoulder.

But no one paid any mind to her as the children petted Duke and hugged him good-bye, and were finally herded into the wagon.  With ears perked and tail thumping, Duke danced around the wagon.  Mr. Harding cracked the whip, and the horses, Spot and Patches, plodded out of the farmyard.  They were going to town to hear a traveling preacher, and Duke wanted them to know that he would guard the farm. He would keep everything safe until their return. Intruders would not dare to challenge his imposing self!

Duke escorted the wagon to the end of the drive and watched until it rattled away in a distant cloud of dust. As soon as they were out of sight, Duke thought how sad it felt to be left behind.  He heaved a sigh.  Suddenly remembering his status as guard, he jerked his head up and, wagging his tail furiously, trotted back down the drive toward the farmhouse.

************************************************************************

Ginger, still fuming about her tail, cut through the grass, passing by the front of the barn and behind the old equipment shed, which stood on the edge of the barnyard like a tired old man.  Her tail still hurt a little.  That clumsy dog is always doing things like this!  She thought.  Although… He probably didn’t… intend to … step on my tail.  But he won’t apologize!  No doubt, Duke has already forgotten about it. Ginger sniffed scornfully.  Wanting some distance, she rounded the back of the shed, and paused.  Before her was the pig pen and to the right was the chicken coop. To the left, grass stretched out for many yards, and beyond the grass, were the fields.   Ginger went to the right, passing the wooden fence of the pig pen. I feel a little better, she thought.  Just then, something caught her attention—her name— coming from the small yard in front of the chicken coop.

“Tsk, tsk.  That Ginger, she had another tussle with the dog!” clucked a plump chicken.

“My, my!” Exclaimed another, nervously scuttling over, head bobbing with every step.

“He squished her tail flat as a board, he did!” said the first. “Why, I declare, those two seem to have it out for each other! And knowing Ginger, she won’t get over it for a month!”

“No, no! Surely she won’t!” The other chickens echoed.

Before continuing, the first hen ruffled her feathers in satisfied self-importance. “She holds grudges as tightly as that dog holds a bone!  I say, she—”  The plump hen froze, her mouth open.  A sleek calico cat strode through the grass not five yards away.

The hens’ chatter died.

“Shhh!” one hen scolded (quite needlessly).

“It’s her!” One chicken hissed.

Pausing, Ginger unsheathed her claws and licked them one by one.

“Oh!” cried another hen. “Oh, my!”

The hens trembled as the cat turned her head to stare coldly at them.  Her eyes shimmered liquid green.  Their fluttering hearts imagined her mind was filled with dozens of evil schemes, all of them ending in a chicken dinner!

One chicken convulsed in fear and exploded into a short flight to the henhouse.

As if that was their cue, the whole flock exploded into chaos.  The chickens squawked, and dashed for the henhouse all at once, wings flapping.  Feathers and dust flew everywhere, blinding the confused hens.  They started running in circles, bumping into and tripping over each other.  The fastest chickens made it to the doorway, which was only meant to let in one hen at a time.  They jumped for it all at once, until the opening was jammed.  Their heads made it in, but the rest of them got stuck outside, legs kicking uselessly.  A muffled screeching erupted.

Ginger grinned at the hilarity, but then she felt guilty for enjoying their suffering.   Still, she held up her head and continued into the farmyard without a word.

 

***

 

And there you have it — the first chapter of The Fuzzy Feud.  I hope you enjoyed it!  Or maybe you think a few things should be changed?  Either way, let’s talk in the comments.

Next week we’ll be back to your regularly scheduled programming, which is news about horses, cats, and dogs.

So until then, remember: stay fuzzy, my friends!

20 Cat Memes to Make You Laugh

It’s official.  Cats have conquered the world via the web.  But at least we can get in a few laughs at their expense before our adorable dictators send us to the catnip mines…

knife

The dog’s face is priceless!

2.

Loading_95%_cat_meme

Looks almost like this kitty is wearing kitty ears.

3.

86142400

How can something so cute be so evil?

4.

Laughing-Kitty-Meme

This one made me laugh so hard!

5.

busted

Awww, I could never be mad at something so cute!  Wait…  Hey!

6.

blamethedog

Clever girl…

7.

cats-are-liquids

The “cats are liquids” trend is hilarious, in my opinion.  If you want to check it out, you could start here: https://www.boredpanda.com/cats-are-liquids/.

8.

melting cat

The photo says it all.

9.

potato

Is it just me, or do cats choose the most uncomfortable places to sleep?

10.

nap

I rest my case.

11.

01_FUNNY-CAT-MEME

I’m sure we’ve all seen this.  It’s called “the zoomies”; it’s when your cat suddenly races around like a madman, usually during the middle of the night when you are trying to sleep.  Simon’s Cat captured the madness perfectly.

12.

choices

Cat logic!

13.

christmas-trees-christmas-cats

This reminds me of how my cat Autumn used to scale the Christmas tree every year so she could hunt down and murder all the bird ornaments.
She chipped one and ripped the feathers off another!
Eventually, I wised up and removed them.  When that still wasn’t enough, I ran a model train around the base of the tree to scare her away.  That’s worked — so far, at least…

14.

lion

Amazing!  Even big cats obey this law of nature; for every cat knows: if I fit in something (boxes, bags, you name it), I must sit in it.

15.

dumb.png

At least it’s more original than the “my dog ate my homework” excuse.  Give it an “A” for effort?

16.

fat-cat.jpg

The gift that stays with you — whether you want it to or not.

17.

cat-meme-funny.jpg

This meme is dangerously close to reality…

18.

suspicious 2

Some of life’s mysteries may never be solved.  And we’ll just have to accept that.

19.

grumpy-cat-good-morning

Hear, hear!  This night owl agrees with you!

20.

9-Best-Grumpy-Cat-Memes-5

If you liked these, please leave a comment and let me know which one was your favorite.  As for me, it’s hard to choose, but I think Grumpy Cat memes might be the best.  Anyway, I’d love to hear what you think!

If you are looking for more hysterical photos of cats, consider checking out my post “15 of the Best ‘If I Fits, I Sits’ Cat Photos on the Internet”.

https://fuzzyfanaticblog.wordpress.com/2017/11/05/15-best-if-i-fits-i-sits-cat-photos/

Enjoy!

UPDATE: Do you like dogs as well as cats?  Then here’s another post with funny memes, this time about (you guessed it) dogs.  Number 7 made me laugh out loud!

https://fuzzyfanaticblog.wordpress.com/2018/05/27/15-hilarious-dog-memes/

 

Hilarious Hashtag Explodes as Animal-Lovers #rateaspecies

What if animals got Yelp/Amazon reviews?  Animal people everywhere pounced on the idea, and the results made me laugh out loud!

It’s called #rateaspecies.  It was started at the end of last week, on Friday the 9th by the Oregon Zoo (@OregonZoo).  Since then, the hashtag has rocketed into fame and even gone viral.

#rateaspecies is still a popular tweet to this day, so it’s not to late to join in.  But perhaps you would like to see how it’s done first?

At any rate, here are 12 of the best tweets I could find on the topic.  Swallow any food you’re chewing, because you’re about to laugh!

1.

duck

WORST.  SHIPPING.  EVER!

2.

opposum

As Bored Panda author Allana Rose said so aptly: “Just don’t prematurely bury it!”

3.

toad

Bored Panda user Jiří Schindler summed it up perfectly when he commented: “Jabba wants his kid back!”  (http://bit.ly/2FQmBZG)

4.

badger

I’m sure it’s just misunderstood…  …Right?

5.

albino

This creepy creature is actually named Claude.  He is albino and thus lacks any melanin (pigmentation) in his scales; this unusual condition also makes his eyesight very poor.  (http://bit.ly/2DAc4zS)

6.

frog

I used to own frogs as pets when I was a kid, but none of them looked like this!

7.

turtle

This review makes the baby turtle sound like the cutest cellphone in existence.

8.

squid

Comes in small, medium, and kraken.

9.

turkish van

This perfectly describes my cat Autumn!

10.

fox

Sorry that the gif isn’t available, dear reader.  It shows the fox face-planting into the snow.  Hilarious!

11.

wolf

This one seems a bit dangerous, but I suppose as a professional employee of an animal Sanctuary, she knows what she’s doing.  Still, it’s probably a good thing wolves aren’t used this way.  Otherwise, pillows would be out of a job.

12.

monkies

There, I hope you enjoyed the list.  Which one was your favorite?  Leave a comment and let me know!  Personally, the tweet I liked the most was the baby turtle one.  It’s just too cute!

On a side note, special thanks to Giedrė from the boredpanda.com for writing a great article which brought this phenomenon to my attention.  (https://www.boredpanda.com/zoos-amazon-animal-reviews-rateaspecies/)

And until next time: stay fuzzy, my friends!

Marley & Me Book Review

IMG_3556

As promised, here are my thoughts on Marley & Me: Life and Love With the World’s Worst Dog (the book, not the movie).

And to those of you who are wondering, don’t worry.  This is a spoiler-free review.  So enjoy.

Marley & Me is the story of the real-life dog Marley, a yellow Labrador Retriever with a big heart and a tiny brain.  He is dumb, clumsy, and even has a mischievous streak to him.  He is a food-stealer, a couch-wrecker, and a sallower of anything.  One time he ate a paycheck.  Yes, a paycheck.

Yet Marley does not mean to cause chaos.  He just wants to have fun and to grab attention.  He loves his humans deeply, and the feeling is mutual.

And I must say, after reading this book, I love Marley, too.  This is a great story, but before I start gushing, let me point out the one problem I had with this novel.

Unfortunately, this novel is not kid-friendly.  You would think that a funny, light-hearted book about a puppy growing up would be perfect for children, but it’s not.  The Grogans are a young couple trying to have a baby, and the words are rather specific about the things that happened both before, during, and after Jenny’s pregnancy.  So let me repeat: don’t let your kids read this until they know about the birds and the bees.  Which is a shame, in my opinion.  John Grogan really missed an opportunity to make this book appeal to everyone, not just adults.

However, despite this flaw, Marley & Me is overall a great read.  Here are my reasons for thinking so.

1. It’s hilarious.  I genuinely laughed out loud quite a few times while reading this.  Sometimes it’s Marley’s antics, sometimes it’s Grogan’s oh-so-perfect descriptions of the chaos.  I don’t plan on spoiling it for you, but allow me to give you a taste.  One time when Marley was in obedience school, he took off running, pulling Mrs. Grogan along for the ride.  “My wife looked amazingly like a water-skier being towed behind a powerboat.  Everyone stared.  Some snickered.  I covered my eyes.” (p. 61)

2. It’s heart-warming.  As you might expect from a story about a dog, it’s touching.  Marley is there to comfort Mrs. Grogan when she cries, and perhaps most surprisingly: one time Marley even looses his eternally silly attitude and acts as a guard dog when Mr. Grogan is in danger.  If you do decide to read this book, bring some tissues.

3. It’s got an unusual perspective.  Most books on dogs emphasize how amazing canines are.  And while dogs are amazing, they aren’t saints, and Marley & Me highlights this.  The Grogans love Marley despite his faults, not because he’s free of them.  This novel is about a real dog, not some Old Yeller reincarnation.

 

All in all, this book is now one of my favorites.  

But what do you think?  Have you read the book or watched the movie?  Let me know in the comments below.

And until next week: stay fuzzy, my friends.

Dog Wrecks Soccer Player and Steals the Ball

 

dogandsoccerplayerCLEAR

Remember when Rally Cat ran on field during the Cardinals vs Royals game back in August?  Well, this dog is the spiritual successor to that cat.

Both animals invaded a sports event.  Both did not want to leave the field, and before they eventually did, they trolled a few humans first.

Rally Cat was a mackeral (grey) tabby cat who ran onto the baseball diamond; the Cardinals won the game.  Now he’s a sort of good-luck charm.

rallycat

Although he certainly did not bring good luck to Lucas Hackmann, the grounds crew member who picked him up.  Rally Cat gave Hackmann 3 bites for his trouble.  (Read more here: http://wapo.st/2jELIs7)

A similar event happened on November 9th, when a playful dog ran onto the soccer field during a match in Argentina.  Like with Rally Cat, this yellow canine saw fit to mess with the humans a bit.

First, the dog ran into a player’s legs from behind, causing him to trip and fall.  Whatahowler.com described this canine “player’s”  behavior this way: He “heinously tackled the man with the ball from behind to gain possession. It was a reckless challenge worthy of the red card….”  (In case you didn’t know, the red card is when a player is thrown out of the game.)

dogtripssoccerplayer

Without missing a beat, the dog rushed up to the ball and claimed it as his own!

After that, I almost expected the unknown canine to head for the goal.  But no, he did not.  He just cheerfully wagged his tail, guarding the ball, as the player he had tripped walked over.  The player picked Fido up and carried him off the field while the crowd clapped.

One would think that this would be the end of the dog’s antics.

Nope.

About 20 seconds after the next kick-off, Fido runs back on field, seemingly eager to join in the fun.  He dashes in front of the goalie, then lays down, perhaps hoping for a belly rub.

Instead, he gets carried off the field, for good this time.

The punishment for this double offense was, appropriately, several dog treats.

 

Thanks for reading.  Come back next week for a spoiler-free book review of Marley & Me, the hilarious yet touching novel about a dog as dumb as a post yet as loyal as Old Yeller.

Until then, enjoy the video!

 

Sources